Welcome to "There Is No Dog". This is where I uncork my ears and pour wine into your eyes.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Trailer Songs

I recently realized that figuring out if an upcoming film will be good, bad, or something else entirely can be determined by the song they choose to play in the trailer. For instance:

"The Passenger" by Iggy Pop - this year's Oscar winner

"Lose Yourself" by Eminem - This movie will be High School Musical with Guns

"Down With the Sickness" by Disturbed - The badass black guy will look offscreen and say "Shit!" in this movie

"Who Let the Dogs Out" by the Baha Men - Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is in this movie

"Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas - A former SNL cast member will fight an asian stereotype who might be an animal, as there is a 50% chance this film will be animated. Special guest appearance by Wanda Sykes.

"I'm Walking On Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves - This movie will suck

"Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye - Hahaha, oh Eddie Murphy you truly are the next Jim Varney!

"All Star" by Smashmouth - Shrek and Alvin and the Chipmunks will have to save Christmas

Any song by The Velvet Underground - The Michael Cera character is going to have the summer he'll NEVAR 4GET

"American Badass" by Kid Rock - 50% of the audience will laugh at this trailer, then go to Urban Outfitters

"Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger - Depends on which part they use. If it's just the chorus, probably won't be that good. If it starts from "Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's comin' to get me" then this movie will become an instant cult classic and you'll say, "You've NEVER seen **** ****?!!!!!" to your friends and then get pissed off when you make them watch it and they fall asleep