THERE IS NO DOG.

Welcome to "There Is No Dog". This is where I uncork my ears and pour wine into your eyes.


Thursday, August 23, 2012

artificial man

my head it churns crude oil and in my heart
I strain it through a collection of wires and
car parts all neatly frayed and impeccably rusted over
held together with the same glue they used on
my tear ducts to close them off for the
next 20 years of rain

the only well made trap on me is my forehead and oh
what a well made trap
where yours is detachable mine is welded shut
the stars at night float down and gather round it
sing songs to it as if it were a wall in an alley
and they drunken poets

and on it they project movies even!
each one a similar story of a pig having its blood
drained out
I have no such blood for my pump and filter are
sold separately

Instead I produce an alcoholic red paint
which bimonthly must be emptied out in the most
beautiful fashion
I become the pig and the knife and sever the wires
out comes the thick, sputtering and
spraying corrosive violent on the sky and the streets
infinite in gallons and pressure scrubbing clean my
perceptions and showing each thing as they are
red and objective with
shoulders bare and immodest
everything just a little burned
I watching my own film instead

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Unbridled

My tooth hurts a lot. Not the normal kind of a lot, like the kind of lot where you park cars and shit, but the kind that measures how much of something. You should have figured that out from the context clues. You're a fucking idiot, Bloggie McEveryteen. I'm sorry I'm being so verbally abusive but I just want the best for you, as your blogfather.

I smoke an average of two days a week, but I also average two packs a week.
Beer is an acceptable substitute for both food and better beer.

How much modesty do you think exists in a completely unforced, unfeigned form? Probably something like 20% of all modesty.

My tooth hurts a lot. Not the normal kind of a lot, like the kind of lot where you park cars and shit, but the kind that measures how much of something. You should have figured that out from the context clues. You're a fucking idiot, Bloggie McEveryteen. I'm sorry I'm being so verbally abusive but I just want the best for you, as your blogfather.

I smoke an average of two days a week, but I also average two packs a week.
Beer is an acceptable substitute for both food and better beer.

How much modesty do you think exists in a completely unforced, unfeigned form? Probably something like 20% of all modesty.

by

Post-Post Title

I need help.

This is going to get really narcissistic up in this club, Mr. Usher.

"Okay," ~Usher (2012-1811)

"And I was like yeah." ~Usher (1984-20122012)

"This waking life... Ugh..." ~Usher (then-not then)

MY GOD. HOW DID I GET HERE.

I used to ask that question to myself every day, but I also used to get lost every day because for a while there someone had the funny idea to keep changing my route home so that there were always missing streets, and sometimes blue things. Like, blue birds. Or something else blue.

Things that are blue and are not also birds: lots of things, some blue soaps, trees (I think?), buckets can also be blue.

My mom is getting older and I used to be able to see it but now I can't anymore and the guitar on the side of me looks like it's on fire in my periphery but it's actually just the overhead light reflecting off of it because that's how music works, Jerry. Totes worried about my olding mom. She needs to be older somewhere cooler. I can't let her grow up in this GHETTO UNIVERSITY.

That's a moor, eh?

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo-

I want to make a movie about a dystopian future world under religious rule, except it would be a dark comedy soundtracked by "The Thermals" and in the future they let teenagers fresh out of high school become "Christ Warriors" and run around with baseball bats and beat the shit out of people supposedly to keep the peace but actually jsut to keep the public scared and in line but then there's a love story or something and it all came from this idea I had after that scary lady on that wife swapping show said that thing about how the other wife wasn't a christian and then she roared like a mothra and ripped up the check (I forget what the check was for it was a shitty show) and she's like, "I'm a Christ Warrior" or maybe she said god instead of christ but I think they're totally the same fucker.

And then I thought hey, maybe that plugged drain in my sink isn't actually a plugged drain but part of a bigger conspiracy the likes of which I'm not even prepared for because I don't understand it and it's stupid.

Wait, I don't have to write anymore.