THERE IS NO DOG.

Welcome to "There Is No Dog". This is where I uncork my ears and pour wine into your eyes.


Monday, January 17, 2011

THE GORBEN GLORBS

THE GORBEN GLORBS were last night (as of me writing this) and they were [adjective]! Johnny Cash hosted and was hilarious as usual, with his narky British oubservational coumedy (they obey a silent "u" in some words in the UK) and made several timely jabs at actour Bruce Willis and digital camera Ashton Kutcher.

The oddest part of the whole awaurd show was that I didn't feel like vomiting hate and eating it off the ground like a cow so that I could hold on to its self-sustaining self-sustenance and, as the hate drips down the dropper's throat, shake him with the realization that this hate is real. This life is real. At least I can believe in something and hate jumps gleefully at the prospect of auditioning for that role; at filling that void. Anyway, I didn't feel those things I just said when I read the results this morning.

Until I got to the TV section.

"Community", the funniest show currently still on television (for now), was snubbed of its rightful nomination in Best Series when it is obviously the Best Series ever. God, Kip, you sure LOOOOOOOOOOOVE "Community" a whole lots! I'm just saying, if "Community" asked if it could cum in my mouth, well I'd just say, "Auhghgh!" and give a thumbs up, altogether signifying a "yes" and then I'd be pregnant. WITH TALENT.

And if you're reading this blog, there's a good chance you hate "Glee" as much as I do. I didn't know they added pitch correction to Microsoft Speech until that show came on the air. Wow. That was a REALLY good sass. I'm kind of proud of myself, that sass was class!

Sass = class?

DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!

Sass = class!

But despite this, I don't really HATE "Glee". I hate watching "Glee". It's an experience similar to listening to Microsoft Speech with pitch correction (SO GOOD!) but it's a dumb guilty pleasure show that thankfully has never once taken itself seriously even in its serious moments. It knows it's camp. The fact that all these accolades have been put upon it is no fault of the show's creators. It's the fault of the same award show that gave "Avatar" Best Picture in 2010.

No, I'm upset at the winner of Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series - Comedy Or Musical: Jim Parsons – "The Big Bang Theory" (CBS).

BEST PERFORMANCE IN A TELEVISION SERIES GOES TO FUCKING JIM PARSONS?

WRONG.

Best Performance OF ALL TIME.

Jim Parsons is the John Barrymore of the new milleni-times. Laurence Olivier can choke his blackfaced face on a cock a far as I'm concerned now that we have Jim Parsons from "The Big Bang Theory". Instead of being "good", Jim Parsons is "bad" at acting, which is a bodl strategy that has worked to his advantage. Typically when given what literally may be the worst writing on television, an actor with talent would try to spin that line in a humourous and intouresting wauy, but Jim Parsons does the shitty lines justice by reading them in a shitty nerd voice. GIRLS <3 NERDS! Almost as much as girls <3 classy sass (ladies?) and tampons.

In closing, I wrote a song about Jim Parsons:

JIM PARSONS! WINNER OF THE AWARD FOR STUFF!
SHOULD HAVE WON MORE!
SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE PRESIDENT OF ACTING!
HE'S MUCH BETTER AT ACTING!
THAN I THINK THE DUDE FROM GLEE IS AT ACTING!

DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!
DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING! DELIBERATING!

song = best.

~Kip

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